We truly are creatures of habits: good, bad, useful, unnecessary, intentional, and default. I've been mulling over this subject for weeks now, wanting to share some things I'm learning. Psychological matters definitely interest me, but I am by no means an expert.
So what precisely is a habit? The author of Human Nature and Conduct, John Dewey says some striking things about habits. (I only listened to a free version of Part 1 of this series.)
All habits are demands for certain kinds of activity, and they constitute the self. They are will. They form our effective desires and they furnish us with our working capacities.
Is he telling us that every habit is literally a part of us, whether it does us good or not? Even the ones we never intended to develop? Indeed, the truth stings just a bit. Our self love and a refusal to face facts cause us to eject the offensive habit from ourselves and view it as an evil power that has overcome us.
This seems a bit rough for me to accept. I have multiple poor habits that I would surely appreciate to pass off on excuses like "we had a stressful late night conversation," "I feel too keyed up to get my chores done," "they won't understand anyway..." and the snooze button gets hit again, the phone stays in my hands, or I stay quiet trying to protect myself. Meanwhile I'm sabotaging my mental wellness because I'm going to beat myself up later for having this "bad habit," yet I'm not willing to own up to the fact these habits developed because I had a lack of will to choose the right thing.
I just might be over my head in this topic already, but I do have a few more things to say. I think there a few good habits that get a bad rap because the idea is maintained that something done habitually is done mindlessly. One example is Bible reading/devotions and prayer. These will never be unbeneficial habits, whether or not they are mindful. There could be much more said about that, but I feel like it would be going off on a tangent from the subject.
Although it was a lack of self-will that brought on the bad habits we possess, it will do us no good to shame ourselves or dwell in guilt. The circumstances surrounding you may have weakened your will, this is true. If such is your case it may take more than your own will to overcome the habit. It's OK to have help, but you still will have a work of your own to do. Yes, it's stuff you've heard before, but it doesn't hurt to have a reminder from time to time!
One more thing, can we practice being grateful for good habits and the ability to perform them? Be glad we have a bed to make, clean laundry to fold and put away, health to maintain? Gratefulness is a proven motivator of the will, and that is a tool I could definitely practice using.
Let's really, mindfully own our habits. Remember they are will, and it will be will that breaks the bad ones and strengthens the good ones.
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