Be ye doers.

How often do you become stuck in a hearing, seeing, thinking, consuming rut? Do you know what I'm talking about? You know you need to make changes, you know there are things about yourself that aren't likeable. You read self-help books, you listen to podcasts and sermons, you discuss things with friends, you hear all kinds of good advice. Then what?

I have been there. It's hard to admit, but it's true that I'm possibly there right now. Does it help that I'm cognizant to that fact? I believe I'm growing, changing, becoming... I have a messy assortment of thoughts about it that I want to write out for the sake of organizing them. And if they can possibly be of use to anyone else, glory be!

At some point, you have to make the life-altering decision to stop requiring a crisis before you finally choose to initiate radical change. -Dr. Cassie Huckaby

I read the above quote the other day, amongst other of the author's material, and was very struck by several things she said. When you read or hear something that inspires or moves you, what do you do with that energy? If you do nothing, it's like consuming "empty calories." If you act on that energy, it has the power to change you, to heal you.

Other topics that have been closely intertwined with this, are self-discipline, expectations, and goals. Success is only achieved through self-discipline. But what is success? Is it meeting all your expectations? Or is it a steady forward motion toward a chosen goal?

I googled "What stops me from changing?" just to see what the world wide web would have to say. An excerpt from an article that stood out to me ran like this: One of the most fundamental obstacles to change is a lack of clarity. Often, people feel like they want or need to change, but don't know where or in what direction. Alternatively, and much too frequently, people seek to change for the wrong reasons--or towards a goal by which they are not entirely convinced. People are too easily absorbed by a vision borrowed from someone else's dream.

So I pondered, "How do I clarify what my goals are?" I think the answer is to get still and quiet with yourself. Tune out the clamoring ads and news and fads and ask yourself, "What is my goal and how do I get there?" Then listen closely for the answer and be ready to do whatever great or menial thing it is. This makes me think of another excerpt, this one by Dr. Jordan Peterson: Perhaps that is true prayer: the question, "What have I done wrong, and what can I do now to set things at least a little more right?" But your heart must be open to the terrible truth. You must be receptive to that which you do not want to hear. Maybe I'm abusing quotes now, but as I think of asking and waiting for an answer from God or your soul (are they separate?), perhaps the answer won't always come clear right away. "If you're waiting on God, do what waiters do: serve."

But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves. James 1:22

I don't know but all this is mostly for me and the shifts I'm currently experiencing. I have been being very honest with myself and finding things out that are not fun. But the scales have been sluffing off slowly and I'm seeing a new softer lining to myself that I didn't know was there. Yesterday I wrote that I was thinking and doing, trying and failing and trying again, and loving like never before.

Here are some of the questions I've asked myself the last couple days and the conclusions.

I have a headache and feel crummy because I slept late. What shall I do?

• Take a cold shower and shake and rub and scrub your body.

What should I do next?

• Wash the dishes.

• Go walk to the nectarine tree and pick and eat one.

• Make the bed.

What needs to be done?

• The floor should be swept.

• There's some bookwork to do.

How ought I to react?

• With love and laughter.

Should I leave some things undone and go swim at the pond?

• Yes, sunshine and exercise and a little daring will refresh you much.

Can it be that simple? I will say that not all answers I got were received well, but a fight makes the victory sweeter doesn't it? These words feel very vulnerable and it's hard for me to share them because of the fear of seeming hypocritical. I'm very much just learning these things myself and progress is not linear. Sometimes all I can see are the unmet expectations, but if I can lay those down I can see that actually, ground was gained. It just wasn't the way I thought it would happen.

Back to being a doer. Follow your heart; it knows the way. I used to think that was a cheesy little quote, but it is really true. God made your heart/soul to crave His company. Sometimes we hear the phrase "if your heart is in the right place..." I'm not sure that's relevant. Your heart is probably right, you're just following base, fleshly, selfish desires instead.

God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change/ control (others, circumstances),

The courage to change/ control the things we can (ourselves, our reactions),

And the wisdom to understand the difference.

Forgive the rambling nature of this. ;) And please share any thoughts you'd like in the comments.